Unsuessful "Clubbing" + Trust

21. Nov Fri Raining....


so...the clubbing thing....didn't make it.
which is fine for me
coz i already lose the mood to go long time ago
but, i feel sorry for karen....
she seems really disappointed...... =(
hehe~
i dont think i will make an other plan for that unless karen wants to go

someone didn't text me....
hehe~ i knew it....
i think i have learnt to don't take people's words seriously
especially...people you don't know really really well....

sometimes i think "is something wrong with me? why i take what other people say so seriously?"
but, it's not about me!
it's all about other people
there are so many people who never care about what are they saying
they dont care about the consequences
they just say whatever they what to say at the time they want to
it's ok, i won't take other people's saying so seriously now

Sorry/Christmas

10th.Nov Mon Sunny/Hot

Just checked Ting's Q-zone, she wrote on her blog that her housemate has told her that study is the most important thing in here.....I feel so lost after I read that.....

On Jiao's msn status, she said that she has been quite stressful these days. N she asked me to go to the library n study with her on wed. Even Jiao has changed, how about me?

Today, when I went to the Barr Smity to look for Catherine, I saw the library was full with students. Everyone was studying so hard in there. I felt really bad when I saw that. Everyone is trying there best for there exams, but me? What am I doing these days? I'm disappointed with myself......

I have thought about what I have been doing through the whole year.
This year, I have done nothing for my studies but spend money/time for playing n shopping...... Why I have become like this? Who I am? Sometimes, I don't even know who's the person in the mirror when I'm looking at it......

Had dinner with Helen today. She talked to me a lot, n she gave me some advises about life and study. She's so nice to me, like sister. I feel blessed.

Went to Meyer this afternoon. Every year, around the time of Christmas Pageant, I always go to the top floor of Meyer since I have been here. They got those Christmas ornaments. They are sooooo nice and sooooo pretty!!!! I love them! Every year, I will go "window shopping" in thar area. When I walk between those decorated Christmas trees, I feel I'm walking in a fairy world!
I never had any interests of Christmas before I came to Australia. I don't hate Christmas, I just don't like the way how Chinese peoople celebrate it. It exists more for a busiess purpose. I don't feel any bless, joy and holy in Christmas. But, when I first saw these christmas ornament, I think I have understood the realy meaning of Christmas. I can feel happy, joy, peace, bless, n all the other beautiful things. I suddently want to have a family.....I want to decorate my own Christmas tree and celebrate Christmas with my family. I just want to have a peaceful and joyful time with my family for Christmas......I hope it can happen in 10 years time....Hehe~ I'm 20 now, and I have asked myself that don't get marry before 30. Then.....10 years...well, I think I need to wait for a bit longer to see my dream comes true. It's ok, I have time~

I think I have get rid of what happened...... I can't say I don't care it at all. But, I have given up totally.... I have taken all my tensions off XXX......


真的真的死心了……
离开的心……如何回去?
认真也好，无聊也罢
我已经不想去想了
没有意义
是我的就是我的
该来的总会来的
我不去追了
天注定的东西
强求总是无果的



i have put those wool and knitting needles away.....
Finally.....

Sorry about what I have done
I need to fight for my study now
I really need to do it....

底线

我想……事情已经发展到我能承受的底线了……
真的……快撑不下去了吧……
当然，我还是会努力坚持的，很拼命很拼命地坚持下去……
可是……我还是要骂几句，还是要发几句牢骚……

好吧
你们喜欢玩是吧？
那随便玩吧
你们爱怎么玩我就怎么玩
把我玩死的话我还给你磕头上香呢！
你们了不起，你们厉害
你们一个两个说话都不负责任
说玩一个两个都不当一回事
我好骗
我容易相信人
都是我的错
你们爱怎样怎样
是我一厢情愿地信以为真
是我一厢情愿地自甘作践
我不相信
我谁也不相信了！
一个两个都是骗子！
一个两个说地都比唱地好听！
也对哦，都是唱歌的，自然好听～

是，是我一个人的错
是我笨到要相信
是我笨到被吓到
是我笨到去在意
原来大家说话都从来不想想后果，也不用去负责的
我居然傻到现在才知道
是我天真
是我幼稚
是我的错！
全都是我的错！

my hair

6th Thus seems like a bit cloudy today.....happy bitrhday Zhu


so.....my hair is red now......
it looks not bad, but......don't know
I feel I was..."cheatted"?...not sure if i used the right term....
I just feel really bad that I got colour on my hair.....
n...I will have the hair cut tomorrow...oh no.....
I thought I would just have a simple hair cut

I want my black and long hair!!!!!! T_T

Just called LT....it's 9:40pm something in Spain
and It's 7:10am in here....
We are soooo far away now
I havnt call him for so long....
Since that happened
I still cant face something I think....

Went to CCM yesterday
It was good
Didn't spend much time with God these days
Which is not a good thing......

By the way!!!!
I finally finished knitting the scarf for Jiao!!!!!
haha~~~
I'm soooooo happy!!!!!
It's not that nice like the one I made early of the year
But, I have tried something new
looks not bad!

I have tried really hard to put my life back into the right track
I really did.....

4th Nov

4th Nov Tues Dont know....

The story has to finish now...
The ending...that's no ending for this story...

At the end, I realise that it is all my fault
I shouldn't start it at the begining
I should mind just my own business
Sorry, it's my fault
Sorry, I was being annoying all these time

It's ALL MY FAULT!
I will stop here......


對不起，是我多管閑事
對不起，是我讓你煩了
對不起，全是我的錯，是我煩你，是我多事
什么都是我不好
什么都是我的錯

我會離你遠遠的
我會不再管你的事
我會不再煩着你的
我會當你就只是普通朋友的，連好朋友都不是的那種

我真的不知道一直以來，原來你這么煩我……
對不起了……